Returning

So my 2 weeks off comes to an end in glorious sunshine. I don't want to go back to work but I always feel that way. First day back I feel the job is impossible, I feel the weight round my neck and shoulders and then, the next day it becomes normal again.

But comforting Grace, who had her best friend to stay, and who now faces a return to school - what sane 10 year old would welcome school? (and what healthy adult would want to teach in our schools?) I said, "Find what joy you can in whatever situation you are in."

Hey that's not bad!

On a recent post in a poem entitled 'Bleeding bikes' I wrote about a accident in North Manchester in which I ran into a bollard and bled. This is a true event and I might even just about about be able to show you the scar. It actually happened nearly 2 years ago - so don't worry Graham but thanks for you post to this blog on the matter. Sometimes for poetry and drama/entertainment one plays a bit loose with the details.

We had a great week skiing in France even though the snow was pretty useless after lunch. I fell over a bit more than usual and still feel bruised and we all picked up a bug that I have not yet shaken off. (In my worse moments it feels like the start of ME but I am a bit of a hypocondriac - Mercury in Virgo in my chart does not help. Still it is a change from my usual fear of the onset of dementia.

I have been reflecting on my mortality for some time. I think it is pretty impossible to live with the notion of our own mortality though I suspect it would make us all better people if we did. It makes many things seem so pointless and gives life a kind of poignancy, a preciousness. It is so weird being created and in no kind of control over any of this. And my own spiritual faith does not seem to help nor does my experiences of dead people. It is a mystery and it is so strange how we act as if we will live for ever when we wont certainly not on this earth.

It is also hard to return to work where my work in Kenya has been artificially limited. I have a few years left, I think, before my workplace gives me the shove/I walk away. I thought my final project would be my Kenya work which is probably so. But the work will end with me and not continue, or at least not at my workplace.

Feels like time to visit Q!

Best to all,

Bill on bike