Thursday, 29 April 2010

Mystic Detective(4)

[creative writing]

The mystic detective awoke with a sore head. ‘That was strange I’ve not been drinking last night’. He put his head under the cold water tap in the sink - that usually worked with a hangover. It had little effect this time but then again it wasn’t a hangover. ‘I feel like I’ve been drugged’ and he remembered a rather strange and spacey conversation with Jeremy, one the OM monks, the night before. It was in the Ashram library which was more colourfully and extravagantly decorated than the other more Spartan rooms in the ashram. Especially the bedrooms that were more like monastic cells with hard futon mattresses laid on the cold pine wood floor.

Paula and Jeremy were both sat in front of a log burning stove. Jeremy had one of those delightful well bred voices that are easy on the ear. He was dressed in the ‘uniform’ of the ashram monks – a simple Indian style top and cotton trousers. On some of the monks such clothing seemed dishevelled but Jeremy’s fitted him well and was there just a hint of crease in his trousers and certainly his top was ironed and probably starched.

- I like the old fashioned open fire myself, said Paul attempting conversation which was unusual for him but Jeremy’s silence had somehow got to him.
- Yeah but wood burning stoves are so efficient and give lower emissions
- I can imagine

Curiously the room started to somehow swirl in front of Paul’s eyes
- Ah….
- Yeah?
- Ah the world is swirling
- Yes I guess you could say that. We, the planet and the universe or on a journey, dancing around each other
- Don’t mention dancing… I’m not sure I could stand up
- Well just rest there and let the universe journey on
- I’m not sure I have any other options
- Just r-e-l-a-x

Ordinarily anyone suggesting that Paul relax would have the opposite effect on him but Jeremy’s voice was so soothing and so hypnotic. After a few moments of silence the gentle but insisting questioning began
- Why are you here Paul?
- Why is any of us here? (They both laughed)
- True enough but what brings you here right now?
- Well I visited your place in Manchester and coming here seemed the next step.
- But you haven’t done a lot of yoga or meditation?
- No but I am very interested in Eastern philosophy.
- Hmm.. you were asking a lot of questions in Manchester
- Well that’s me I just like finding stuff out
- You were asking about Percy
- Yeah… what’s this an interrogation?
- No…. no… r.e.l.a.x…. Just trying to find out how we can be more helpful to you
- OK
- OK, is Percy a good friend of yours?
- I am closer to his wife Brenda
- Hmm

The next bit was rather a blur. Paul only had half memories of snippets of conversation with Jeremy. He remembered laughing sublimely at his own wordplay on mystic detective ‘I miss stick I detect ives, whatever ives is’
- Are you detecting me, asked Jeremy
- Clear as mud on my mudshit detector
- So why are you really here?
- Those ‘stential’ questions really really do my ‘ead in. Paul starts to sing, ‘Oh you’ve done my brain in’ (an old Bonzo Bog Band song)
- But its’ true you have done my brain in
- R-e-l-a-x
- Oh fuck you…..oh hell….

Later Paul remembered feeling and being somewhat disembodied as if he was floating above his body which was being carried by Jeremy and another of the monks who he later knew as Clem. Having carried him out of the library they gently deposited him fully dressed onto his bed.

And so the next morning there he was with a sore head and his cover - what cover? Blown. ‘I might as well leave here… but what happened to Percy? What had happened to Percy indeed. Percy was no longer at the Ashram. He had left 2 days before Paul had arrived. He’d gone where? No-one seemed to know. He has just walked out one day half through his month long retreat. Everyone at the ashram was pretty buttoned up about it. Paul was not convinced, indeed he was highly suspicious, but it was time to leave.

Back at his office they was a phone message from Brenda
- Hi Brenda, it’s Paul Whitley here
- Hi Paul thanks for ringing me back. I have heard from Percy. He sounded a bit strange. He was very apologetic but he wouldn’t say that much over the phone, and he ‘s not coming back just now but asked me, indeed begged me to t-t-trust him (Brenda sobbed)
- Oh fuck said Paul under his breath.
He hated people especially women crying on him and even more so over the phone. It made him feel so helpless and took him straight back to his childhood and his mother but he certainly didn’t want to go there.
- Take it easy
- I’m sorry
- It’s OK, I am sure it’s been very tough for you. Must be good to hear from him.
- It is but I am so worried about him (starts crying)
- Look I am going to get to the bottom of this, Paul didn’t know why he said this he didn’t usually make such big promises
- OK
- Are you?
- Yes I’m calm now
- OK… look take care, spend time with a friend….I’ll be in touch soon.

Paul sighed, this was a knotty one. He needed time to muse on it – a bike ride what his Australian friend Mickie called ‘cycleabout’ where you just let the bike take you were it wants to go – or perhaps it was time for a real retreat rather than what the hell had happened at the Ashram, or maybe start with a coffee and a don’t in Fuel. That was it.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Mystic detective(3)

[creative writing]

The mystic detective was back in his office, not usually a creative space for him to be but he had already had an extended breakfast at Fuel and had no leads on his current cases to pursue. It was on days like this that eh liked to set off on a long bike ride to clear his mind and hopefully detoxifying his body somewhat. He recalled ruefully how the late, if not great, gonzo journalist Hunter S Thompson, had reported on a visit to his doctor at which he rather truthfully acknowledged the extent of his drug consumption. The medic was aghast but impressed by the feverish sweating that Thompson’s poor body was doing in a vain attempt to cope. The irony was of course that Thompson took his own life… Of course such thoughts were what Thompson would refer to as ‘bad craziness’.

Bad craziness indeed and the office door bell rang to indicate a visitor.
- Frankie, you again!
- Is that the best welcome you can offer to a poor friend and client?
- Of course not… (and noticing Frankie’s paler than usual face) It’s a bit earlier for a brandy?
- Better not, sun over the yard arm and what ho
- What ho indeed, coffee
- Unless it is good Italian… no
- Take a seat… and tell me what troubles you
- Hmm… it’s this business with Claudia
- Uh hn
- Yeah it’s really getting to me… You know being a gay man… I know I was married but really no…. being a gay man children is important. You don’t stop wanting to be a dad just because you are gay… and well I missed out… I’m probably too old for it
- Oh I don’t-
- I do, I was close to it once but then it fell through and I just don’t want to go there.
- OK
- So this business with Claudia-
- Yeah?
- Well if she was younger I could just get on with it… but she is grown up and I don’t what to do and I even know if she is my daughter or not.
- Would that makes things that different, Yes.. No…Oh I don’t know… I just feel so mixed up
- Sounds like you have seen her again
- I have and I kept a glass she used unwashed like you said and I have it with me but I feel like I am betraying her…
- But you need to know
- I need to know so let’s get on with it
- Fine… but tell me more about your last meeting with her
- It was kinda OK but I do need to know whether I am her biological dad… she seems quite keen on yoga
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah she is part of the OM group
- Oh
- Oh? You seemed surprised
- Hmm no or maybe yes, it is just that they have come up in another matter I am investigating…
- Does that mean you think they are dodgy?
- Maybe… have you been invited to their ashram in York? Yes Claudia is dead keen that I visit
- And will you?
- I don’t know it is not really my cup of tea but it seems very important to X
- Be careful, you seem in a rather vulnerable state
- Vulnerable? Moi? I ‘m as tough as old boots
- Oh Yeah?
- Oh yeah! You better believe it!
- Along with 6 other impossible things before breakfast!
- Hey that’s my line!

Frankie was on his way soon after leaving Paul musing on his visit. So Claudia was part of the OM group. Was she really Frankie’s daughter? And what was she up to with Frankie? Well the DNA sample should soon tell us the biology and it was beginning to feel like time fro Paul to visit the OM Ashram but he felt a curious reluctance. He just didn’t have a good feeling about it.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010


[creative writing]

The capiccino smelt good but he made himself not drink it until the train left the station. Likewise his I-Pod was untouched, just in case. Just in case there was some strange annoucement.

The train moved off with a jolt. He relaxed and fitted in the ear pieces of his I-Pod. He was imemdiately flooded with sounds and then memories. All his favourite music carried rich memories even the very latest stuff quickly gathered their fair share. To listen to music was to dive deep into an ocean of memories, strange creatures came in view and even though the music could move him to tears he felt safe. He knew where he was going.

He unwrapped the sandwich she had made for him. Crisp fresh bread, Italian ham, organic mayo, lecttuce. Just right, just like her or rather just like her on the surface. Underneath, well was underneath.

Sometimes he just liked to look at her over a meal. It was best when she was in a reverie and he could watch her without her changing or shaping.

Soemtimes we forget how separate we are. Sometimes you are not just part of my inner landscape.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Party blues

[creative writing]

- People who believe in politics are nutters.
- Oh yeah?
- Oh yeah.
- Why?
- Why?
- Yes why?
- Because it's a mug's game and it doesn't change anything
- No?
- No, not for the better anyway
- How can you say that?
- Here we go, back to the Welfare state and fuck knows what else. Listen pal this is meant to be a birthday party not bleeding question time at the House of Commons.

Well that shut them up. There was a silence which threatened to become a longer silence so Pet stepped in,
- Time to dance

Right dance. God I was pissed already and it was only 9 o'clock. 'Fuck' time to switch to mineral water. 'Fuck no', "It's my party and I'll spew if I want to. You would spew too if it happened to you." Oh hell from everyone's reactions I had been signing this our loud rather than under my breath.

Time to come up for air. Why did that phrase sound so threatening? The cold air hit me so did the lamp post and I had not even touched it! I breathed in deeply - that was a mistake. I started coughing but managed not to throw up.

I looked heavenward and saw Orion and the Pleides - 'when you wish upon a star .... what would my wish be?
- My wishes are simple she said - to wake up warm with good food and my friends around me.
I could wish for that but it feels too static for me because as soon as you get the scene things start to happen. Knowing that Frankie hates Gina's guts and that Pauline has a crush on Jeremy and Pet has never really forgiven Clive and well it wouldn't work would it?
OK come for breakfast and be on you best behaviour.
- OK?
- OK!

[Now Tony reckons this is the introduction to my novel but I am not so sure!]

Friday, 2 April 2010

The Boss meets Q on Good Friday

A rather tired and dispirited Boss consults Q his spiritual director on Good Friday.
- Q I feel worn out, everything is just an uphill struggle, I'm getting too old for this game...
- Today is Good Friday!
- Well I'm not exactly nailed to the Cross - not yet anyway - but I certainly could use something of a re-birth if not a resurrection.
- What would it take?
- A bit more care and understanding... a little appreciation would go a long way.... I dunno I think I may be past it!
- Hmm, sometimes one door has to close before another one opens.
If there is a another
- There is always another door whilst you are still alive and breathing. And even death is just another doorway to pass through.
- What lies beyond?
- What do you think?
- I dunno, I have only a ghost of an understanding (laughs).

There was suddenly a silence that deepened and opened out between them. The sense of peace in this silence was tangible. The Boss' fears and anxieties dispersed in the knowing in that moment that 'All will be well'.

Q spoke out of the silence
- So what next Boss?
- A weekend with my family
- Sounds good
- It will be and if the weather holds a day out in the country
- Even better

'May the long time sun shine on you
And all love surround you
And the true light within you
Guide your way home'