Nancy

Just before Christmas I visited her in the nursing home in my home town. She did not recognise me. Thinking about her today on my bike to work this poem came to me. She was everything you would want in a godmother - good listener, wisdom, fun. I could always go to her when my parents made no sense to me. She is Welsh from the valleys and so loves rugby and singing - the 3 tenors, Weslh male voice choirs etc.

Poem for my godmother

You don’t know who I am
It is so strange
Sitting her with you
You are delighted by this visit
From this youthful stranger
Me
I’m crying inside

You don’t know me
And our shared past
My past
Disappears

I leave you

I sob bitterly

Liminal

Well I have been frantically writing, or rather mostly frantically thinking about writing as I have 4 chapters to write for a co-edited book that is rather overdue. So there I was writing a neat paragraph or two when it turned into poetry. I doubt if I will or can include the poem in the book but it fits here. When I told Liz about it she said 'Liminal' which gave me the title and the final line:

Liminal

I refuse to be defined
As researcher or a practitioner
As a writer or
As an academic or
As middle class or
As white or
As religious or secular
As a healer or a therapist
As gay or straight.

I don't want to be defined
or boxed in
or shut out
Talk to me
Listen to me
Let us be
together
apart
human.

I want to be liminal!

Me, music and teaching

When I was at primary school and my class was going to sing infront of the school my music teacher told me to mime as I was not a good enough singer. Then at grammar school I was always in the top half of the class in all subjects except music where I remained second from bottom. The bottom boy Stuart was a bit of a truant.

This was strange as I love music and tried to teach myself to play first banjo and then guitar as a teenager with some brio but little talent...

Well I carried on singing in the bath and then my daughter Emily got born and since it did not seem to matter to her whether I was in tune I sang her nursery rhymes and then Beatles songs, Pet Shop Boys songs, mostly at her bath time. She loves them and learnt them from me.

So when her primary school launched a family choir we had to be there. And the choir performs in public twice a year at the school fayres. I am still waiting for our choir mistress Carol to tell me to mime but she has not yet done so. I find that I belong in the bass part of the choir whcih is a suprise to me, I've been trying to sing too high for years. I love our monthly choir meeting it affects me deeply and makes me fel good, rather like good Yoga, cycling or a good religious service.

Emily has taken up piano lessons - making great progress - and last year she taught me to read music in a few minutes. I was staggered. Then a couple of weeks ago Emily taught me a simple tune again in a few minutes - me playing the piano! Emily does not know I can't sing, that I can't do music, am hopeless at it. She does not know I can't be taught!

So I am inching towards taking piano lessons myself. It wil take a bit of courage on my part to cross that line and present myself as a student.

Many of my students are mature, usually part-time and some come with some bad experiences. I often have to help them find their own voice in their writing and research and to value that. Their own voice gets knocked out of them usually by the time they've do their first degrees if not earlier.

I reckon I teach by loving them, if I can't find a way to love them then I don't take them on. This works best one-to-one or in small groups. When I have a large group (My uni loves it when I teach 30+ students!) to teach I try to figure a way of giving the best of me on that topic I have to teach, when I connect with my passion it ussually goes better. When I teach I feel I have only a limited amount of information to pass on, mostly I want to inspire people to trust what they already know, find their own voice and use it and write, find what they know they want to do and do it. OK it's not quite as simple as that but.....

I would especially welcome reactions to this post on or off line,

Thank you for reading me.

Bill

Poem for Tina

For 3 years now my work team has had the services of an amazingly cheerful woman called Tina. She left yesrtday and o a bunch of us took her out for farewell drinks and a curry, a song or two (Aint she sweet?), and more drinks. I decided to write an instant poem for Tina and declaimed to a crowded restarant here it is:

Poem for Tina

So they gave you a shoebox
Of an office
A phone
A computer
And miles of files

So what did you do?
Float? Sink? Flounder?

You swam
Like a swan
Such elegance


It's strange to be writing poems again. I wrote a lot as a teenager and then stopped in my earlier 20s only to write one again last eyar - Spritual suffering (it's published in Thresholds) and now 3 in the last few weeks.

Best to all,

Bill

Kenya and a poem

Hi,

I still remain very very troubled about events in Kenya, the word 'failed state' is being used by some comentators as a possible future for Kenya. This is my worse fear or nightmare - that all the beauty and energy of its people will get wasted. It can happen to any of us potentially, we all have our shadow sides. With some good leadership the troubles in Kenya can be turned round. Anyway I received an email from Don Balmer of KAPC this in part follows:

"It seems to be getting to a position where a political resolution might be difficult given the amount of civil unrest. The real position is so complex I suspect nobody has a complete view. Our view will be different from yours and you will think we know more than you, but the reality is you see things that we don't.
KAPC is being asked to provide counsellors for a number of organisations and we are responding. Cecilia is at a meeting with IOM this afternoon which could develop into a intersting partnership. Counsellors perhaps do not feel quite as helpless as others as they have a role to play and can feel of benefit.

"If and when the situation does normalise it is going to take a long time to get back to normal. The VSO volunteer we had to help with marketing has been recalled and is leaving for at least 4 weeks. One of the local trusts has postponed activities that could have provided us with funds for a play therapy programme. So all of these things impact upon us.

"All in all we react on an hourly basis. People in KAPC are supportive of each other so perhaps we are in the best place."

So I am on the way for an occasional lunch with my friend Keith who I have blogged about before and a poem comes to me. No paper, no pen on me. Do I wait until I get to his place and then say, "Ignore me for 5 minutes" No and it might diasppear. (I once in 1973 had to borrow a pen on a cross chanel ferry when 'Some P poems' a sequence of about 5 of them came to me) So I dive into the nearest stationary shop for a pen and paper.

Kenya poem

I had to speak
At a conference
In Bangalore in India
About my research in Kenya

Now I've done this many times before
But this time
I kept thinking
About my friends there
About the shocking tales of violence
And the degradation of that beautiful country

So I wept

This is not ususal
In academic keynote speeches
But my audience hearts went out to me

I've never touched so many people before

Best to all,

Bill

Biking and Kenya

Hi,

I am very troubled today by the TV news and newspaper reports on Kenya. Although Kofi Annan is getting both sides together which is a great start there is increasing reports of tribal violence. A UN spokesman on TV last night talked about making the temporary camps for displaced people more organised. Fine but it points to a long drawn out process for the people in the camps.

I have met many fine Kenyans over the past 4 years which is why the news there is especially troubling for me. It is important that we don't see this as typically Africa and distance ourselves from it. We are not so far away from such troubles in Britain. Riots do happen here, as does racial and ethnic violence. Kenyans are not some Other people to us in the West. They are just the same as us, good and bad, loving parents etc.

Biking feels good today I am back in the thick of it after my winter break from cycling. I miss my all day training sessions and dare I say it the preparation and challenge of the LEJOG trip. Maybe I will do a training session soon and who knows one of these days another long trip!

Best to all,

Bill on Bike
PS I have just emailed Don Balmer of KAPC Kenya for some more news which I will post here.

The heavens open...and bananas

Hi,

Half way to work and the heavens open and the wind blows too and I am struggling to get into my waterproof gear as it blows out of my hands. Wet feet, trousers, hair but as ever curiously exhilarating.

I tried the frozen banana routine the other might as mentioned in a previous post. My daughter Grace who hates the smell of bananas fled the room (though she loves bananas milk shakes!) The banana was so frozen it was hard to cut but it did taste delicious, so the trick is to let it thaw a bit first for a few minutes. My own preference for bananas who are under ripe is to bake them int he oven cover in some honey and sprinkled with dried coconut. But you might have other ideas.

Best to all,

Bill back on bike but missing the rickshaws!