It started with an email

[creative writing]

It started with an email:

Dear Martyn Gregson,

I am Claudia MacDonald a relative of your ex wife Samantha. I will be visiting Manchester next week and I would like to meet with you.

Sincerely,

Claudia

This set off all manner of thoughts and feelings within Martyn ‘What a strange email. Who is Claudia and what is she and why one earth does she want to meet with me? I don’t remember meeting anyone called Claudia, or even hearing of her. But it’s been a long time since I was with Sam so who knows and I have thankfully forgotten so much....Well it might be interesting to meet with this Claudia.’

The reply:

Dear Claudia,

What an intriguing email. I hope there is nothing wrong with Sam? I don’t remember a relative of hers called Claudia but I am happy to meet with you for coffee on next Tuesday afternoon.

Regards,

Martyn

‘A result!’

Dear Martyn,

Many thanks for agreeing to meet with me. Sam is well. You and I have never met. How about Starbucks or Costa?

Best regards,

Claudia

Martyn was typically 5 minutes early for his meeting with Claudia dressed as agreed in yellow cords. ‘I’ll be unmistakable’ as he put it in an email feeling slightly like he was going on a blind date and wondering yet again what on earth this meeting was going to be about and who on earth this Claudia was.

Claudia was untypically 10 minutes early for the meeting. This was going to be it. This was going to be her chance to find out. They shook hands. She nearly lost it, she didn’t know beforehand what she was going to feel but a huge sadness was now threatening to engulf her. Martyn pointed to a couple of nearby armchairs arranged around a low table. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and he led the way.

- So. (There was a question to answer)
- So… I needed to meet you…
- Yes. (Again an implied question)
- Yes, look there’s no easy way to put this (This was said in a rush as if otherwise the words would never come out) but… but I think.., no, I know… or I think I know…ah. You’re my dad. Erhm hm my biological dad at least.
- Errr (a groan). Oh Fuck (an expletive) but how? (They both laughed and suddenly it felt OK.)
- I mean.
- Yes, I was born March 22nd 1985.
- That means
- That means I was conceived around the end of June 1984….
- Oh Fuck… that’s all but impossible…..But we were kind of still together until the end of June… but I don’t remember… Oh God this is a rather strange conversation with a strange young woman… I mean not that you are strange.
- I know, I know.
- OK just suppose it is possible… (Then Martyn looked at Claudia for what seemed like the first time. Here was a young attractive woman who just could be his daughter. He searched her face for signs, yes she was clearly Sam’s daughter those same deep blue grey eyes that he had found so enticing. But there was something else a quality that had an echo to it, a quality that he could not quiet pin down, no it wasn’t his mum but it just could be the proud way his granny – his mum’s mum – had held her head?)
- Then what?
- Yes… then what?
- More coffee? (He needed to do something, even if only to order a couple of coffees in a very distracted manner. He desperately needed time to think)
- Please. (She was relived that he was not going to runaway from her that the encounter was going to last longer, going to continue.)
He returned with two more cups of coffee.
- Tell me more.
- More about?
- Oh… everything

So there it started the unlikely meeting between apparently biological father and grownup daughter. Of course it begged many questions. Not least whether Martyn actually was Claudia’s biological father and also if he was why had Samantha not let on to him or Claudia previously. There was a lot to sort out. Meanwhile two rather fragile people were cautiously negotiating a relationship.

- Just about your life
- Right, mum, I mean Sam moved back to the farm just before I was born… I grew up there with granny and gramps. They raised me cos mum went back to work… after I was born…
- Hmm
- Then… well I went to Oakwood Primary, Lawnstone Grammar, Newcastle Uni to do Art and Design then got a job with a publisher…
- Hmm, married?
- No… got a boyfriend, we kinda live together but nothing too serious.
- Uh hmm (Martyn felt relieved as if he didn’t want Claudia to be married but didn’t know why he was feeling that way.)
There was a pause, a silence in which coffee was sipped and then:
- I know stuff about you
- Yeah
- Yeah about you and mum being married but not much about you since though I have Googled you
- Don’t believe everything you read on Google!
- No I don’t but I wanted to know something about you… something beyond you and mum being married and splitting up.
- Sure

There was another pause this one felt more tense more awkward
- What next?
- Yes what next?
- Well… what did you want?... I mean why did you want to meet with me?
- I wanted to see you, meet with you, make you real to me (Martyn nodded)… Now I dunno… I dunno what this means… I am pretty sure I want to meet with you again.
- OK
- You mean that? (‘Oh god I was going to cry’)
- (‘Oh God she’s going to cry’) (He nodded, not trusting himself to speak either).

There were more emails:

Dear Martyn,

Many many thanks. I didn’t know how it was going to be but you were brill. I am looking forward to seeing you again.

Very best,

Claudia

Dear Claudia,

Thanks for your email. I much enjoyed meeting you. See you soon.

Martyn
PS I was right the Pets were number one when you were born!

There were more thoughts.

For Martyn: ‘Can I possibly be her father? I don’t remember having any sex with Sam during our last month together. I am sure of that cos we had stopped sleeping together…But there was one might I went out and got totally plastered – it was Steve’s leaving do and I had little memory the following morning. But…But if I am Claudia’s father then Sam has got a lot to answer for’.