Tuesday 15 December 2009

The Boss and Q again

The Boss visits Q his spiritual director once again.
- Hi Q
- Hello Boss, how are you?
- I’m OK really but…
Q waits as patient as ever
- But well there is this colleague of mine, I knew she was ill, but she seems well enough and she’s just died and – the Boss was silent with tears trickling down his face
Q nods
- She was only 54… (sob) and I…I rang her up like I do and she was already dead and buried. No-one had told me… I don’t know what to do.
- No?
- No, I guess I want to write something about her and what she meant to me. She mattered, she truly mattered. (The Boss is openly weeping now) She made a real difference to me and my team… probably to loads of others as well. It needs to be marked, it needs to be celebrated - her life… I need to understand.
- Understand?
- Yes why we live and why we die and why people like Annie die young… And please I don’t want any religious platitudes!
- Oh
- Yes don’t tell me she has gone to a better place, that her suffering is over otherwise I’ll hit you so God help me.
- Boss, Boss you know me better than that?
There was a silence in which the Boss reflected.
- You’re hurting, (the Boss nods) you’re trying to make sense of these mysteries and in times of suffering it is hard to trust-
- Trust what?
- Indeed, but you do know different?
- I do?
- You do
The Boss heaves a deep sigh
- Sometimes life is a bugger, sometimes life or God pushes me a bit far (Q nods his agreement) but you know however far I am not totally destroyed or at least not so far, sometimes rather broken but not yet destroyed… So maybe I should be thankful for small mercies… But Annie was a good soul and I will miss her. (Another deep sigh) You know I felt his curious desire to visit a sacred place and light a candle in thanks for her. I think this Christmas I will be remembering quite a few souls who have moved on. Maybe there is a bundle of candles to light or maybe one big one but I need to do it.
Q nods in reply and a deep silence begins which seems to gather the Boss and Q up in a benevolent and peaceful grasp. The panic and sorrow in the Boss gradually leaves him for the moment and he feels ready to face the world once more