Monday 4 January 2010

Now we are 60

Hi,

I am now 60 years and one day old! In some ways it is no different to be being 59 years and 364 days but in other ways it is huge. 40 was bad enough, 50 sent me into a low level depression for months or rather the run up to it did much as this year has been. Again when I look in the mirror I was no different on 59 years 264 days and 60 years no days!

But, but, I have sent off for my senior railcard and am about to apply for my free bus travel pass. That's a bit absurd for a cycle freak like me and also weird doing this on my salary but.. I guess it shows something at 60 I am expected to be frail and maybe short of money... But also I want to accept that this is my age. I can't pretend and I want to find the goodness in this age of mine. (One goodness is that I care even less about what people think about me).

I do want to move on from my job before I reach 65, I am called to do some other things which hopefully I will enjoy at least as much as I have enjoyed my working life these last 16 years within universities. I want more time for my existing hobbies and some new ones and I hope I can survive earning much less money.

People keep dying on me and even now I have one friend under a medical death sentence. So I can make no assumptions about my continuing survival let along my flourishing. Some of it is in my genes and I can't do much about that. The rest I try and live reasonably healthy without becoming dead(!) miserable in the process.

But I am mortal and I don't have a fundamentalist trust in a good afterlife. So now really matters to me how can I live to the fullest how can this encounter between you and me be as full of grace as possible? I don't have a clear answer to that one - sounds like a question for my spiritual director Q doesn't it. But for now it is important for me to pose questions like that to myself. What is the best thing I can do just now?

My birthday do last Saturday was treat despite the weather keeping all of my long distance guests away. I read one of my poems (Bleeding Bikes) and Red Letter Day by the Pets as a poem - it worked well. My daughter and I did a duet based on 'Your are old father William' by Lewis Carroll. My wife sang 'When you're 64'. My daughter and her best friend did a clarinet duet of 2 Abba songs which the rest of us sang along to. My friend Rosie sang 'Summertime' with my sister-in-law playing piano and later on a lovely French song. My friend Vee (Howard-Jones) gave me a birthday poem which I read out:

As the Sun Sets Slowly...

How old? I asked -wide eyed and credulous.
But his smile says Twenty-five!
His dancing agility says Twenty.
His humour says Ten.
His inquisitiveness and curiosity definitely says five.
So I suppose - when you add it all up
It makes sense.

Best possible New Year to you all,

Bill-on-bike.