The Boss consults Q his spiritual director once more

The Boss consults Q his spiritual director once more

- Hi Boss.
- Hi Q.
They both settle down into Q’s comfortable chairs, not quite facing one another. There is a tense silence as Q waits.
- I’m finding Christmas very difficult.
- Hmm, Q nods.
- Yes, it is the lack of compassion, the lack of common sense, the lack of wit and wisdom, the whole mess of things…
Q waits.
- How can you take it? .... How can you be silent?
Q smiles enigmatically.
- Don’t smile at me!
Q laughs.
- That’s not helpful!
- I know but you either curse the darkness or light a candle.
- Is that so (sarcastically) … Is that enough?
- No, but it is important to act in as many ways as possible and lighting a candle and saying a prayer is a start and may lead one to more considered, possibly more successful actions.
- Hmm, said the Boss, but I want a better world and I want it now!
- Me too!
- Oh ….
- Why ever not? …The question is how?
The Boss nods - I know my actions are not enough but sometimes I get so frustrated!
- Me too!
- Oh.
- Yes.
- What does God want?
- Do you really want my answer to that?
- Please!
- Love.
- Love?
- Love of self, love of others, love of the planet.
- How?
- Try it out with the next person you meet, but gently!

Gibbs is too mch for me - poem

Gibbs is too much for me

I’m walking down the street
In my long black coat
And I become Neil Tennant

But I’m not singing West End Girls
Like in the video
Instead Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

And I never become Gibbs from NCIS
Even though this who I am
For my daughter, in this coat

Gibbs is too much for me
I wouldn’t mind becoming Gibbs
But I am not there … yet.

Musing

For the last 20 or so years until recently I was working full-time some of it evenings and weekends (and never quite got the time back) pre-occupied with my work and the parts of it that I really enjoyed - all those academic papers and books wot I wrote that a few hundred people read.

Actually the best bit was my students and being able to work with them for several years on projects that mattered to them and to me. God I was and am thankful for that opportunity!

Now I have time to stop and stare and I notice so much. I was walking back from the Coop today thinking about my choir outflit and whether black cords would work (heaven forbid!) and for a few minutes picked up on the attire of the people passing me by, really individual, different 'tribes'! It can of had a language, an expression.

Some times, some days I notice the strain in people's faces, very poignant when it is a young mum. I can become aware of those who need a good shoulder to cry on. My life changed when I suddenly could see beneath people's masks back in 1973 - but that is another story!

Gifts

Last Thursday went to a great writing group at Gaskell House. The encourage you to write between classes. This a recent piece, no surprises in it for my friends but for me its the voicing of it that matters:

GIFTS

I don’t know what I was meant to do. All I knew was that I had to escape my family and the small town I grew up in. I needed a job and computing seemed to be the coming thing in the late 60s.

Looking back I realised that I found out who I was retrospectively by looking back at what I did. But I never knew what I would stick at. I always wanted to be able to say ‘I am a whatever – medic, teacher, carpenter, builder, father, grandfather, husband’.

So I guess that I have gifts but I was never brought up or taught how to recognise them. First one in the family to go to university – it’s a cliché but no-one told me you can never go back.

So I moved on losing friends with no care in the world. Every new step forward was the loss of the old life, like shedding a skin or sometimes becoming a butterfly.

And now another transformation is in progress. It is simple to say ‘I am retired’ but it is not a state it’s a process and I am not sure what is merging from the chrysalis.

And I walk on - poem

And I walk on

It rained
And rained
I tried to dodge it
It caught me.

The sun came out
And so did a rainbow
My heart lit up
And I thought of you.

It rained
And rained
I took shelter
And a cappuccino
And thought of you.

You are so close to me now
If I reach out
I could touch you
I believe
But I know this is not true

It rained
And rained
And my cheeks are wet
With rain and tears
I shake myself dry
And I walk on.

Whitby poem

Whitby

1.The first time I saw you
The light took me by surprise
And the smell of fish
It’s fresh crisp taste.

2.You took me to Whitby
A rite of passage
And I fell in love
Though we were never sure.

3.I took you to Whitby
We were in love
And it was part of our web.

4.And the time of the car chase
That ended in wingless flight
You forced open the car door
As the policeman looked on
God you were gone too soon!

5.I clamber up to the ruined Abbey
And feel the history
The fever and the pain
And it’s all past now

But I still have the photos
On my wall
And I wonder
Where are you now?

The Boss consults Q his spiritual director once more

The Boss consults Q his spiritual director once more

- Being the Boss has been my identity …. if I cease to be the Boss who am I?
- How about father, husband, grandfather, friend, son-in-law?
- Yes, yes, but that doesn’t do it for me!
- Oh no? Q raised a sceptical left eyebrow.
- Well ….you know what I mean… of course all those roles and people are important to me … and if anyone of them needed me more…
- You would?
- I would make myself available.
- But that’s not enough for you?
- No, said the Boss flatly. There was a silence, an uneasy silence, in which the Boss coughed but remained silent. Q broke the silence with a question.
- What would be enough?
- I dunno, maybe some new role, some project …I can’t just persue my hobbies.
- No?
- No, said the Boss decisively.
- What might God say?
- Hmm, I have been praying in my own way but there’s only been silence.
- Can you wait?
- I am not a patient man but I guess I have no choice.
Q nodded and there was another more peaceful silence. The Boss sighed and breathed out for once just resting in the silence. It was, and had to be, enough for now.