Moved by Bach

Last night with my music teacher, Rebecca, she had scored the music we had created together from my singing of one of my poems ‘Where are you?’ Rebecca sang it and accompanied herself on piano. I was amazed and dead impressed it seemed ages since I had written the poem and first sung it. All I need now is to persuade my daughter to sing it and we can record it for Youtube. It is a lament and sounds quite Celtic.

It was time for me to begin to learn a new tune on the piano. Rebecca suggested J. S. Bach prelude No 1 and as ever played it through for me. I was moved to tears. It is like having your own concert. ‘Where did music that come from’ I wondered.

Then it was time for me to begin to learn to play. Oh it was pure magic, it sounded so good. I think Rebecca was adding some petal work but it sounded so good. It is a beautiful piano she has. I just wept and wept. I could not believe such beauty could come through me. ‘I don’t do beauty’ I told her between sobs.

You might think this is soft, soppy, naff but it is me. I could help it but I don’t want to.

There's theology for you

Inspirational Rush Hour Choir session last night with Carla. We were working on a pop song called ‘Imagine me’ and she joked about the drama in the song at varies points whilst getting us to express it. But I felt the pain involved in my guts and wanted to cry (that’s typical of me!) I remember listening to the Scottish band the Proclaimers singing ‘In my heart Lord, I want to be a Christian’ from the song ‘I want to be a Christian’ and wondering whether they were being ironic as no white English group would sing that way and not sound naff (think Cliff Richard for example!). However, they are Scottish and mean it. Then I think of how Neil of the Pets sings. He writes very poignant lyrics that work on several levels e.g. ‘I get along without you very well’ which is about someone in denial about a broken up love affair but it is also a song about Blair and Mandelson etc. And Neil’s voice has a languid somewhat detached quality – it’s so damn English. He often signs tongue in cheek but also meaning it at the same time so it becomes OK to be ambivalent. But basically Neil loves pop and being clever and postmodern. Me too.

And then there Al Bowlly that wonderful pre Second World War singer. He once said that when he got a new song he would carefully read through the lyrics and try and get the emotions behind the words and then sing with those feelings in mind. There is such an unEnglish tenderness about his singing which is no surprise as he wasn’t English! Try this link www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWQU6Vk12Xc

So I guess I am still just a big kid inside and that’s Ok by me but I am also a grown up and horrified by many grown up ways, I sure wish we could live better, I try and fail and end up blaming our Creator – we may aspire to being angels but we are sadly designed all too human. There’s theology for you! (Try saying that phrase with a Welsh accent)

Rush Hour choir performs

Last night the Rush Hour choir at the University which I joined in October had its end of term concert (first gig!)and we performed 5 songs and 3 carols (with audience participation) in front of about 40 family and friends and colleagues. No big deal you might say and I was surprisingly calm and in a slightly altered performance state of mind. Nathan joined the choir for the first time and sang in a rich deep voice and somehow my voice straightened against his and my whole body seemed involved. Like I was singing with all my heart at least some of the time. My grandfather West sang in the church choir and in the pub, and my wife said she was thinking of my mum and how pleased she would have been. I am made up about this thinking about it now. Regular followers of my blog will know of my pain and struggle around music. I feel like I have arrived at last. It is not the end of something, more of a beginning. I can now get on with being part of this choir and seeing where my singing can take me. Oh Boy.

There is a whole world there for me

Piano lesson with Rebbecca last night and recognising that I respond to the music I play bar by bar sometimes note by note. By learning to play a piece slowly note by note I catch hold of the feelings in the music. And Rebbecca validates the feelings that this particular piece is said to be whatever. This is in the music and its in me and I never really knew it could be like this. Classic music audience are so still but I guess for some of them it is all going on inside. The right kind of music has always moved me to dance or the right lyrics to feelings. But this is a bit different. For example I have always thought Greensleeves was a bit naif but when I play it it moves me immensely. A real sadness/melancholia and a bit of hopefulness, it tells me something about the human condition. I feel like a new secret world is there and Rebbecca tells me about playing in an orchestra with tears streaming down her face in response to the music she is playing. There is a whole world there for me that I have been mostly shut out of for so long. I could have been there earlier in my life but I am truly glad to be there how

Singing

I did some singing with my piano teacher Rebecca last night to help prepare me for the Rush Hour choir end of term concert on Monday 13th December. Although I am in the bass section of the choir we have to sing some notes at middle C and even above which is a challenge for me.

Rebecca complemented me on my singing vocie. I went silent and welled up. I trust her judgement as she is very willing to tell me where I am going wrong in singing or piano playing. So a trained musician tells me I have a good singing voice. I am crying as I write this.

I have always loved music, it has meant much to me but ever since my primary school music teacher told me to mime rather than sing I have thought a) I can't sing in tune, which is true sometimes but with Rebecca's help it is getting a whole lot better b) my singing voice was crap.

So maybe, just maybe, I do belong in the Rush Hour Choir and maybe they are not scretly wishing I would leave.