Nothing else matters
If I close my eyes
And listen to
The cries of the seagulls
I can be at the seaside
With the wind in my face
And you by my side
If I stay like this
For long enough
It will be true
I can hang on to that
I don't have to open my eyes
I don't have to lose you
As long as the seagulls
Stay here with me
I am with you
And nothing else matters.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Why poem
Why poem
Afghanistan why?
Poverty why?
Homelessness why?
Hunger why?
Racism why?
Homophobia why?
All men
And all women
are created equal why not?
Afghanistan why?
Poverty why?
Homelessness why?
Hunger why?
Racism why?
Homophobia why?
All men
And all women
are created equal why not?
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Music musings
Regular readers of this bog will know of my struggles with music that go back to my primary school when my music teacher told me to mime rather than sing out loud in the choir. I have been learning piano for nearly 2 years now since my daughter first showed me how to sound a note and how to read music in 5 minutes flat. To someone who loves maths like I do music scores are just logical.
I get tremendous satisfaction out of playing music - watching my hands go where they need to and hearing it when I hit a wrong note. But it is a slow process for the would-be performer in me.
My patient piano teacher Rebbecca has been also working with me on singing the past few months. I have written before about the struggle and the delight I have had in learning to sound a note accurately. In the last two sessions I have finally been able to hear the difference between two notes only half a semi tone apart (that is the smallest possible internal) Not only at long last can I hear the difference but I can finally say this one is higher or lower than the last one. This is a huge step forward for me.
Get this it's a major breakthrough and I am 60. It's been almost something akin to dyslexia without denying the challenges that presents. I have not previously been able to distinguish these minor differences, not able to hear even when I could sound it right from memory. I can know hear it and know whether it is above or below. I am staggered at what it is possible for me to learn with no obvious music ability. No one put an instrument in my hand as a child. I did mess around with a guitar as a teenager not very fluently, and without any help. A year ago we put a clarinet in my daughter's hand at an open music do at the Northern College of Music. She loved it we got lessons and on my birthday we heard that she had passed grade 2 with a merit!
Well one of these I will be ready for grade 1 music. Last night Rebbecca did some of the singing I with me that i will need to do for grade 1 for the first time. Oh boy!
Mourn the past and do what it is in your heart to do with gratitude!
Bill on bike
I get tremendous satisfaction out of playing music - watching my hands go where they need to and hearing it when I hit a wrong note. But it is a slow process for the would-be performer in me.
My patient piano teacher Rebbecca has been also working with me on singing the past few months. I have written before about the struggle and the delight I have had in learning to sound a note accurately. In the last two sessions I have finally been able to hear the difference between two notes only half a semi tone apart (that is the smallest possible internal) Not only at long last can I hear the difference but I can finally say this one is higher or lower than the last one. This is a huge step forward for me.
Get this it's a major breakthrough and I am 60. It's been almost something akin to dyslexia without denying the challenges that presents. I have not previously been able to distinguish these minor differences, not able to hear even when I could sound it right from memory. I can know hear it and know whether it is above or below. I am staggered at what it is possible for me to learn with no obvious music ability. No one put an instrument in my hand as a child. I did mess around with a guitar as a teenager not very fluently, and without any help. A year ago we put a clarinet in my daughter's hand at an open music do at the Northern College of Music. She loved it we got lessons and on my birthday we heard that she had passed grade 2 with a merit!
Well one of these I will be ready for grade 1 music. Last night Rebbecca did some of the singing I with me that i will need to do for grade 1 for the first time. Oh boy!
Mourn the past and do what it is in your heart to do with gratitude!
Bill on bike
Friday, 15 January 2010
Snown
[creative writing]
He couldn't figure out why she had spent four months, four months(!), in the Arctic - summer or winter it didn't matter which. One week of snow in England was enough for him.
But.. but something had happened to her, some deep hibernation of the spirit, staring at the snowscapes, walking or driving through those strange twilight zones in which the sun was barely awake at midday before turning over and going back to sleep again.
He could understand the attractions of a simpler life, a more basic life, just surviving. He could even understand how someone might want to stare at the wall or even at the snow and the sky. But to seek it out, to embrace it still seemed weird.
But there she was now changed for the better(?) by her snow odyssey and he remembered when he had to lean out against the fates to see if he could and would survive.
That was it. The testing of the inner spirit, the tempering of the inner steel. He knew that from old. That which does not destroy me makes me stronger. Modern warriorhood perhaps. I suffer therefore I am.
He couldn't figure out why she had spent four months, four months(!), in the Arctic - summer or winter it didn't matter which. One week of snow in England was enough for him.
But.. but something had happened to her, some deep hibernation of the spirit, staring at the snowscapes, walking or driving through those strange twilight zones in which the sun was barely awake at midday before turning over and going back to sleep again.
He could understand the attractions of a simpler life, a more basic life, just surviving. He could even understand how someone might want to stare at the wall or even at the snow and the sky. But to seek it out, to embrace it still seemed weird.
But there she was now changed for the better(?) by her snow odyssey and he remembered when he had to lean out against the fates to see if he could and would survive.
That was it. The testing of the inner spirit, the tempering of the inner steel. He knew that from old. That which does not destroy me makes me stronger. Modern warriorhood perhaps. I suffer therefore I am.
Getting started
[creative writing]
- It was an ordinary dark winter morning, and snow was still falling- she began
- No it wasn't
- Don't interrupt
- Will
- Wont
- Stop it
There was a silence.
- OK, it was summer and the sun was shining-
- No
- No better
- Oh
There was another silence.
I am sure Tolstoy never had this problem.
- The river flowed all through my childhood
- Yes
- Yes, go on
- The river flowed all through my childhood, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes just wanting to hang out and wait-
- No
- No
There was a longer silence this time
- The river was black, Bible black
- Nooo
- Noo
- OK it's your turn
There was an even longer silence, then a tiny voice said, 'It was my 60th year to heaven-
- No
- No
- Never.
- It was an ordinary dark winter morning, and snow was still falling- she began
- No it wasn't
- Don't interrupt
- Will
- Wont
- Stop it
There was a silence.
- OK, it was summer and the sun was shining-
- No
- No better
- Oh
There was another silence.
I am sure Tolstoy never had this problem.
- The river flowed all through my childhood
- Yes
- Yes, go on
- The river flowed all through my childhood, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes just wanting to hang out and wait-
- No
- No
There was a longer silence this time
- The river was black, Bible black
- Nooo
- Noo
- OK it's your turn
There was an even longer silence, then a tiny voice said, 'It was my 60th year to heaven-
- No
- No
- Never.
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Now I am sixty part two
OK so I am getting my head around this being 60 stuff, I think. It has got several upsides:
1) Senior railcard. This is a serious bonus (1/3 off!) and gives me dreams of post retirement travel as does the free bus pass.
2) I am choosing to be a bit out of the loop at work. I have seen it all before and I don't want to work myself to death pretending to be a young thing. I would quite like to offer a slower, deeper more wisdom(!) based approach but my bosses don't understand what I am trying too articulate.
3) I am physically OK thanks to cycling not bad diet and lifestyle and also my genetic stock.
4) I know I am not physically immortal and i don't hold with a Christian resurrection of the body so death is real. I am afraid of a painful drawn out dying and of becoming frail and forgetful or even worse dementia etc but I know that when I am dead if that is it then so be it. I hate the idea of not being with my family and friends but if I am completely dead then I wont know it. I rather suspect there is some kind of afterlife based on my own 'experiences' of ghosts etc but it is not clear enough (to the inner scientist in me) nor satisfying enough a lot of the time. Part of me knows this to be true, part doesn't. It rather depends who is in charge at the time!
5) This death stuff and my age causes me too be profoundly grateful for being alive and well and knowing that there is maybe nothing more than today and the people I meet today. So it is all a bit precious without me getting too daft about it. So I notice more and acknowledge and thank you for reading this! (And do look me up on Facebook if you like)
Bill on bike wearing my walking boots because of the snow.
1) Senior railcard. This is a serious bonus (1/3 off!) and gives me dreams of post retirement travel as does the free bus pass.
2) I am choosing to be a bit out of the loop at work. I have seen it all before and I don't want to work myself to death pretending to be a young thing. I would quite like to offer a slower, deeper more wisdom(!) based approach but my bosses don't understand what I am trying too articulate.
3) I am physically OK thanks to cycling not bad diet and lifestyle and also my genetic stock.
4) I know I am not physically immortal and i don't hold with a Christian resurrection of the body so death is real. I am afraid of a painful drawn out dying and of becoming frail and forgetful or even worse dementia etc but I know that when I am dead if that is it then so be it. I hate the idea of not being with my family and friends but if I am completely dead then I wont know it. I rather suspect there is some kind of afterlife based on my own 'experiences' of ghosts etc but it is not clear enough (to the inner scientist in me) nor satisfying enough a lot of the time. Part of me knows this to be true, part doesn't. It rather depends who is in charge at the time!
5) This death stuff and my age causes me too be profoundly grateful for being alive and well and knowing that there is maybe nothing more than today and the people I meet today. So it is all a bit precious without me getting too daft about it. So I notice more and acknowledge and thank you for reading this! (And do look me up on Facebook if you like)
Bill on bike wearing my walking boots because of the snow.
Monday, 11 January 2010
5 things I have learnt so far
OK so now I am 60+ I can demand a bit more respect - fat chance :) or perhaps act as if I have that respect and status. So what are the 5 most important things that I have learnt in my life so far?
1) People die, everyone does even me.
2) Not a lot really matters but loving people does
3) You can't take much with you when you die and you don't leave much behind.
4) I am thankful for the gift of being alive today
5) I am thankful for my health right now.
Tell me yours if you can be arsed!
Best to all,
Bill-on-bike - well will be soon if the thaw continues here in Manchester
1) People die, everyone does even me.
2) Not a lot really matters but loving people does
3) You can't take much with you when you die and you don't leave much behind.
4) I am thankful for the gift of being alive today
5) I am thankful for my health right now.
Tell me yours if you can be arsed!
Best to all,
Bill-on-bike - well will be soon if the thaw continues here in Manchester
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