Piano learnings again

Learning to play the piano is increasingly becoming like learning to meditate. Trying too hard, feeling tense about it, not breathing etc. When I tense I hit all of the notes hard, too hard. If I try to do it soft it goes too quiet. I need to find soft but firm/precise and this comes sometimes when I relax and let it happen. So it is not about how many hours I practice per se, its’ about my attitude and state of mind. It is really slow. It’s slow learning and the pleasure has to be in the moment. When I end the final bit of Morning by Grieg with a bit of a thrash, I smile. I know that’s not really it. But I enjoy the thrash And I know that will set me up for a quieter gentler version of Clare de Lune that I usually play next. And when that happens that sets me up for the rest of the day. About 25 or so years ago I read a spiritual book by John Diamond and he said that when you are playing, even just to yourself imagine that someone is listening and play it for them, I like that idea.